Stats: born May 25, 2014 6:40pm 7lbs. 4 oz. 20 inches
TLDR: born at home; 12 hour labor; posterior = 40 mins. of pushing.
When I tell people I had Lee at home, they always say, "you're so brave". By which, of course, they mean, "you're really stupid". I'm grateful they are polite and willing to respect my decision, but I don't blame them. Most people don't consider home birth an option and therefore know little about it, and it seems very risky. When we were attending childbirth classes before The Captain was born, I would have considered a home birth, but Johnny was against it. He didn't want to risk anything happening to me or the baby. Even so, I spent 7 out of 9 hours of labor with him at home. Then after everything that happened when Joy was born, Johnny became very supportive of home births, as long as it was planned and there were professionals attending, and he never had to deliver a baby again. That seemed like a good deal to me. So I was really happy when we moved to Texas because I knew there would be plenty of opportunities to find a home birth midwife. I found at least 3 or 4 practices online when we moved here, and when I got pregnant I called one in my town. Unfortunately, she was having a baby around the same time, so she referred me to her midwife. Let me tell you, a midwife's midwife is a pretty safe bet. Kristine was great. I've been so lucky to have wonderful midwives for each of my children's births, and since I've lived in a different state for each of them, I can say there's bound to be a wonderful midwife near you.
Anyway, onto the story. I woke up Sunday morning around 6:30 having contractions. I knew right away I was in labor, and I was pretty excited that Lee was coming in May instead of waiting until her due date in June. And since it was Memorial Day weekend, I was glad my predictions had been accurate. I made breakfast and ate with the kids. I waited until 9 to text my midwife. I told her I was going to have the baby that day, but that I'd let her know when things got serious so she wouldn't have to come until then. She was at another birth, so she was a little worried. She knew what happened with Joy, so she had someone else lined up to come if she wasn't finished with the other birth in time. Luckily, things worked out and she could be there for both of us.
I spent the morning hanging out with the kids, making dinner, and getting everyone ready for church. Our church starts at 1, and while my contractions weren't consistent yet, I knew things could go really fast, so Johnny and I decided it would be best if I stayed home. Joy had fallen asleep on the couch, so Johnny took The Captain and went to church, with the understanding that he could be back in 15 minutes and I would call if things started to pick up.
I was not having any problems focusing or relaxing during contractions, but I remembered my panic during Joy's labor, so I wanted to do things that would keep me relaxed. I decided to watch the show Too Cute on Netflix thinking cute baby animals would surely help me feel good. It turned out better than I could have hoped because a lot of the episodes are actually cat or dog birth stories and you follow litters of puppies or kittens from birth to several weeks old when they are ready for adoption. It kept me very focused and relaxed. Relaxed enough, in fact, to take a nap. I woke up around 3:30 pm and so did Joy, so we snuggled together on the couch to watch the cute kitties and puppies.
Shortly after Johnny and The Captain came home around 4:15, things started to get regular. When I had been having contractions every 5 minutes for an hour, I texted Kristine again. She asked if she needed to come over. I told her in another hour, probably, but wise woman that she was, she left right away. Which was indeed a good decision because 20 minutes later, I sent her another message saying she should come now, and she was only 5 minutes away.
Transition was just three or four extra long contractions in a row and by the end I had moved into my room to get ready. Johnny put on a movie for the kids, told The Captain to let in Kristine when she got there, and came in the room to find a soothing Spotify station and set up the speaker. It took two or three tries, but he ended up finding an amazing station that played calming classical music and lullabies. It was so perfect to have a sweet lullaby playing for Lee when she was born.
I started pushing shortly after Kristine got there. I was laying on my side because that's what I did for Joy and it worked well that time, but it was not working well now. I was fighting myself a little. Consequently, I was getting worn out and very discouraged. Johnny was rubbing my back and always touching me, which was both appreciated and annoying. What I really wanted was some verbal encouragement and support, but since I always seem to be unable to talk during labor, I was not clear in this request. I did say a few times between contractions that I didn't think I could do this, which was how I felt pretty much the whole time pushing. I honestly didn't think I'd be able to get that baby out. My water broke, but I was just not pushing very effectively. My midwife suggested I try a different position so I went on my hands and knees. That was much better because I could collapse forward between contractions, cat stretching style, and rest my head on my pillow. Sometime in there, the other midwife, Margie, arrived. She's one of Kristine's students and is training to be a midwife after much doula experience, so she was wonderful to have around (and responsible for the pictures). She started massaging and stretching me between contractions which was so relieving and allowed me to fully relax between contractions. It was maddening because every time I pushed, Lee would only move centimeters and then when the contraction was over she would slip entirely back into my uterus. She did eventually come out, 40 minutes later, facing the wrong way, which explained to everyone why it had taken so long and been so difficult. Despite that, she had a perfectly round head. She looked like a Cesarean baby, and she looked just like The Captain and Joy. That was the first thing my midwives said--that she looks so much like her siblings. They couldn't get over it. So I guess I have cookie cutter children, or at least, cookie cutter babies.
Lee was perfect. She cried and cried like a champ. She peed a lot right after she was born, and then peed again when I finally held her a few minutes later. I didn't hold her right away because I needed a few minutes for myself. I was so relieved and amazed and proud of myself that I actually did it. I hadn't thought I'd be strong enough, and it was such a huge sense of accomplishment. I was just crying and crying and shaking, and I knew I should lay down so I could meet Lee and finish with everything, but my midwives told me to just take a minute. I wish I could describe how wise and wonderful they are. At one point, after I had said I couldn't do it, probably for the umpteenth time, Kristine said, "Tara, you don't have to be superwoman, you just have to be strong enough for this".
And two minutes after she was born, everyone was there to meet her and hug everyone. The Captain and Joy fell in love right away and have been so great with Lee. The love to hold her and touch her and have never felt jealous of the time she takes up.
This hair is courtesy of me grabbing and pulling it during every contraction in Phase 2.
Johnny politely declined cutting the umbilical cord. And said he was so happy to not be on the business side of things this time.
I love how The Captain's hand snuck into this picture. It's so appropriate because he has really taken charge of Lee. I told Johnny the other day that The Captain was my baby, Joy was his baby, and Lee is The Captain's baby. In fact, I need to take a moment to talk about how awesome The Captain was with this whole experience.
The Captain had come with me and Joy to many of my midwife appointments, so he was familiar with them; and I had talked to him about what would happen when I was in labor. We watched a home birth on YouTube and I explained things. He was not interested in watching, but I was glad he knew what to expect and what was normal so he wouldn't worry. When Kristine came he was so excited to open the door, and he was very serious when he told her where I was and how to get there and said I was having a baby today. (She was very impressed as she told me this later.) She also said that he would periodically open the door to check on me. He didn't come in, just peeked his head in to make sure everything was okay. I didn't know that. I did know that Johnny left a few times to check on them, but he always managed to come back in time for my next contraction. I was grateful for that, since I really needed him there. The Captain has taken charge of holding and calming Lee, and loves to be in charge of her. He has allowed me to take some great naps, for which I am extremely grateful.
I know home births aren't for everyone, just like natural birth isn't for everyone, and induction isn't, or elected c-sections, etc. There's no universally right way to labor. All I know is that labor is about surrender. You eventually have to give in to what your body is doing, confront the pain, and focus on the present. Labor is a wonderful preparation for motherhood, and parallels a lot of philosophies on life. But location plays a big part in your success in surrendering. You need to be in an environment where you feel safe. With The Captain, it was not the hospital. I didn't want to go, and it was by far the worst part of the experience with that labor. But with Joy, it was not my house. I was not prepared for a home birth, I was freaking out and I had a much harder labor because of it. This time, I finally got what I needed. I felt free and in control in my house. I was so prepared and was surrounded by people who cared about me. I felt supported and cared for, and so very safe. Margie told me at my checkup afterwards that she has never seen anyone so fully surrendered to Labor Land, and it was because I was able to be at home. My labor was perfect. Hard, so very hard, but perfect. I obviously wouldn't recommend home births to everyone, but would advocate educating yourself to the options available, and finding a place where you can allow yourself to surrender.
