At the risk of ranting commentators

So, I was perusing through the archives of A Dress a Day, and I came across this post in March of 2007.

http://www.dressaday.com/2007/03/i-missed-blogging-against-sexism.html

obviously, I couldn't add a comment, because it's well over a year old, but I thought about it all weekend and I do have something to say on the subject. I agree with Erin that although if anyone said this to me (I like it when women wear dresses), I would react with a (hopefully) gracious "Thank you" as if they were just giving me a complement, which is probably what they intended to do. But, if you think about it, they aren't really complementing YOU at all, since *my* appearance or dress or decision to wear a dress, isn't ever really mentioned in the phrase "I like it when women wear dresses". In fact, if you were to say "I really like it when people drink coffee" to someone holding a coffee cup, they would probably think "Okay, great. Why are you telling me?" So you see, it's not even a complementarily structured sentence, more like a personal opinion.

I agree with some of the commenters on dressaday, who say that it is sometimes difficult for men to say a well-meaning complement without the recipient feeling like they are being hit on. However, masking a complement in a blanket statement really makes it not a complement any more. "Nice dress" might be the way to go instead. Simple, you can say it while passing a person, which makes it not so much of a pick up line, also very much a complement.

That very obvious problem with this supposed complement aside, I do think there is something sexist in the comment. And although it may be unintentional, that doesn't make it any less wrong. I'll draw the analogy to racism for a moment, if I could (of course I can, this is my blog).

If a well intentioned person said about a Black man's success, "I'm so glad he was able to overcome his natural lazy tendencies", does their genuine happiness for the Black man make the statement less racist? No, of course not. And the well meaning person who said it may have no idea that what they just said was a racist statement. Does that make it any less racist? No, of course not. The person didn't mean to imply that Black people are inferior to white people or that segregation was a good idea. They were simply trying to give a complement. Does that make it any less racist? No.

The point, of course, being that it doesn't matter if you consciously understand all the implications behind a statement like "I like it when women wear dresses". It is still sexist. Does that mean if you say that to me, I will launch into a feminist rant that will last twenty minutes and leave you never wanting to talk to women again? No, of course not. But awareness is a huge part of the solution. Ignorance is not an excuse for anyone to be sexist (or racist for that matter). With some things it's important to keep up with the times. So if you know someone who makes statements like "I like women who wear dresses" or "I'm so glad that person was able to overcome their obvious racial defects", it is probably a good idea to gently say to them that the statement they just made was sexist, or racist. And then explain why. Well-intentioned folks will probably be willing to rethink or re-evaluate their paradigm so as not to give offense to others when they are just trying to be well-intentioned.