My nemesis

My nemesis is American Fork. Maybe not the whole city, but definitely the court house. It's one of the big reasons why I have decided I can never live in Utah County. Every time I have to file something there for work, no matter what time I leave, I can barely make it down there by 5. In fact, sometimes I don't make it down in time at all, the court house taunts me as I show up at 5:05 and the doors are locked, and the night guards talk to me like I'm stupid when I ask about an after-hours drop box . . . Grrr. In fact, one time, I had to drive down to American Fork three days in a row because that's how long it takes to file ONE DOCUMENT.

Ask me to go to Provo, fine, no problem. I'll get there and back in no time at all, but mention American Fork and six people will get in major accidents in the freeway and the rest of the valley will decide to leave work early and cause the biggest traffic jam ever conceived by a perfectly malicious city court building. This building is clearly evil, and out to get me. And yet, there's no real way to avoid it. Don't worry, somehow I will stop the insanity.

New Addition to the bad movie list

As I forewarned, due to more experience and contemplation, I have an adjustment to the top 10 worst movies list--a new addition, if you will. The movie: Night of the Comet.

Now I know most of you have probably never heard of this movie, so before I rant, a history lesson. First, my history with this film. I heard about this movie from my morning radio show. They were talking about a Maxim top 10 best worst films ever. They agreed with the films on the list and were composing their own, but every caller that called in to help with this mentioned a different good bad movie. One of the ones mentioned was Night of the Comet. This means that before I saw this film I knew it would be bad. I just thought it'd be a better bad movie than it was. Second, some history of the film itself. It was made in 1984 (so was I!), and as we all know, some 80's movies age better than others. This one acutally didn't do so bad in that field. Not too many out of date jokes and the clothing's coming back in, I hear (which is just gross if you ask me). It was also the second PG-13 movie ever. (The first is Red Dawn, another bad one I hear.)Yes, they created the category just for bad films, it would seem. (Actually Steven Spielberg pushed for it because of the violence of Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, and Gremlins.) So log that one away in case you're ever on Jeopardy. And now for the rant:

This film is bad. Really bad. As in, if I hadn't have been watching it with someone else, I would have either fallen asleep, which I never do while watching a movie unless I put the movie in expressly to do so, or turned it off, which I also rarely do. The main reason--other than the irrational fear and unexplainable science behind a comet vaporizing people--is the complete and utter lack of plot. It wants to have a plot, it even tries to twist the fragments of a storyline in the hopes of masking the lack of plot or creating a plot to twist (note: it is much better to create a plot before twisting it, as opposed to during or after). Several times during this movie random things happen that are completely unexplained, like why are there zombies in the mall, and why are they teenage boys? But as a redeeming quality, you do get to see two valley girls kick butt. And for those of you who are going to run out to Hollywood Video to see this film-and I know there will be some of you-if any of you are Trekkies, look for Chakotay from Star Trek Voyager.

This film is the new #9 on my list, ousting Fear Dot Com-which I don't really remember much anyway, but let's face it, is so bad that I'm not planning on remedying that. It's number 9 because unlike so many films on this list, it isn't really trying to be good and failing miserably, it just is what it is and doesn't take itself too seriously. In fact, for some of you, this movie could be deliciously bad, one that you can watch over and over again when you just need that bad movie fix, and we all do sometimes. So for those of you who don't like to click on links, the new list looks like this:

#1-Just a Walk in the Park
#2-I Love Trouble
#3-Star Wars II: Revenge of the Sith
#4-Star Wars I: The Phantom Menace
#5-Autumn in New York
#6-Election
#7-The remake of The Music Man
#8-The Home Teachers
#9-Night of the Comet
#10-America's Sweethearts

As always, this list is subject to change with notice at any time.

TGIF

I know it's not Friday, but I had such a good Friday that I didn't have time to post this then.

I was really grateful for Friday this last week. Mostly because it came after 2 Wednesdays in a row. I know, the injustice of the world. And say what you will about Mondays, and they are bad, but Wednesdays are the worst day of the week, hands down. Not only do they have the I-don't-want-to-be-here feeling of Mondays and the this-should-really-be-a-weekend jive, but the reality of the fact that there are two whole days before you reach a weekend, and that you only have those two days to get done everything in the works for the week. It is on Wednesday that those Procrastination Bug bites really start to sting.

So the fact that I had two Wednesdays and a very real Monday last week made Friday pretty much the best day ever--although there was one damper . . . 2 pm traffic. 2PM traffic! People, what are you all doing driving at 2Pm on a Friday?! I hope you were all going home early. And as much as I hate traffic (and I do, it's the bane of my existance), even that was barely a damper on my day.

Stupid Rational Head Voices!

So my sister-in-law sent me this link awhile ago http://www.dressaday.com/dressaday.html and the other day I finally had enough time to start going through the archives and devote the proper amount of attention to it and for several days now it has amused and entertained me (my sister-in-law knows me so well). Not only has it justified my overwhelming urge to turn any material I have into a skirt and/or dress, but it has also instilled in me an almost irresistable desire to do so immediately.

I haven't because the large, irritatingly logical voice in my head keeps asking me in this annoyingly persistant, completely calm voice "with what time?" And as per usual, the voice is right. We are in the middle of a remodel mess and I don't even have my sewing stuff in the house because the office is overcrowded as it is and the basement scares me. So even if I did have the time, I don't have the equipment. But someday . . . yes someday . . .

In the meantime, enjoy this clip that made me laugh everytime I watched it yesterday (which was four times, at least) and as dressaday Erin says, "If you don't feel joy upon seeing this you might need a joy recalibration. See your doctor." http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/fold.php.

What happens outside of Vegas is fair game

So, I went to Vegas last weekend to see my new nephew blessed. It was nice to hang out with the fam and watch the guys play Guitar Hero for 8 hours on Saturday, but since that was in Vegas, I can't say much about that. However, the car trouble we had on the way home is fair game.

A few weeks ago, Johnny's car overheated on his way to school. The culpret-a split hose. So when we took his car to Vegas (mine can't go over 75 mph and is much dirtier than this picture)

Johnny brought some duck tape in case we needed a quick fix. Well, we did. The car overheated about 40 miles from Mesquite. Luckily, Johnny's fam was traveling behind us and pulled over with us and helped us find the problem. They duck taped the split hose and we went another 20 miles before overheating again. Apparently the "temporary" part of 'temporary fix' was shorter than we'd hoped. So, we put more water in the radiator and turned up the heat all the way and drove slower and made it to Mesquite. Barely. We started overheating on the exit. So we found a Smith's parking lot that attached to a gas station and bought some more water (we figured it was definitely an ox-in-the-mire situation and thus not a huge Sabbath Day violation) and asked in the gas station if there were any mechanics open at 9 pm on a Sunday. The attendant made a call, and we had ourselves an appointment. So a large, anti-social mechanic named Larry fixed us up and we were on our way. We got into St. George around 10:30, a mere 4 hours since we'd left Vegas.

At this point I realized that going to work in the morning was probably not a wise idea since I have to drive for a living. Even so, I took advantage of the darkness and took a little nap. At 1 am Johnny woke me up to help keep him awake and we made it to Nephi 1/2 hour later. We walked around, woke up a little, and were still naively optimistic on getting home by 2:30. We would have been close to accurate had we not been pulled over at 2:20 AM by a state trooper merely to have him tell us that he was writing us a warning for our headlight that has been out for a year and a half (that was the first time anyone had pulled us over for that). So we didn't get home until after 3 and then I insisted that we unload the car before we hit the hay because when my sister came to check on the house and the cat that weekend she informed me that our back door was unlocked. So I was still a little freaked out by that potentially close call. I wasn't about to leave anything inticing in our car to attract people with bad intentions. So I didn't get to sleep until around 4 probably.

I did not go to work Monday morning, and after this huge ordeal I will say that we should always have half days on Monday. I was so happy, and Monday's are usually my second worst day of the week. So I guess that's the moral of the story: half-day Mondays!

PG-13 Traffic

So I was driving to Lehi the other morning for work (and can I just say, mid-morning drivers are such a different breed from drivers every other time of day. Apparently between 9-11 AM people actually go the speed limit on the freeway, in multiple lanes, and going 60 in the slow lane was acceptable. It was another moment in the Twilight Zone for me I guess.) and while I was on 5th S., a one-way freeway-entrance street, I was stopped at a green light. Yes, a GREEN light. Now this isn't exceptionally unusual when there is bad traffic, which there wasn't. So why was I stopped at a green light, you ask? Well, there was a homeless man on crutches who decided to cross the street during that green light, causing all of us to wait. Now, the man was on crutches and obviously had a hard time getting around, and was rather old, so I'm not really upset about that, and I didn't mind waiting until he stopped to pick something up and bent over revealing a good half of his butt. Yes, the man was wearing no underwear and didn't have a problem showing a good part of Salt Lake traffic his old, saggy butt. I looked away, but not before I got an all too good look. I only hope that the other side of traffic didn't a rated R view. And all the while I'm sitting there averting my eyes, I keep thinking, if I had just gone the way I normally do to get home from work, instead of taking this road, I could have avoided this whole scene. But then again, I wouldn't have known that I was avoiding anything and then what would I blog about? So I gues the moral of the story is don't be upset the next time your stuck in traffic. You might be missing a really ugly streaker flashing another road.

Stupid Human Tricks

No, not the stuff on late night talk shows, but the tricks the stupid human inside me likes to play. For example, this one time, I was driving to Magna, and I decided to take the long way, I-80. Well after successfully fulfilling my purpose in Magna, I get back on SR201 to get onto to I-80. I turn onto the street that leads to I-80 West (the way I need to go) and think, I don't need to go WEST, I need to go EAST. Yeah, no idea where this stupid person comes from. So I get onto I-80 and immediately realize that I've been tricked. So I turn around in Tooele, but the on ramp for the freeway isn't an easy turn away from the offramp like every other exit. Oh no, I have to go down another SR and then make a left, turn around, then backtrack to the freeway.

And then another time, I was going to Magna, and I took the short way this time, I-215 to SR201. Get done, get back on SR201 and head back to work. I see the 215 exits and think, ok, I have to go NORTH to get back to work. Then immediately merge into the southbound exit. Why? because the stupid person inside my head freaked out and tricked me. So after much stress (yet another exit that's not normal, the onramp for the Northbound is a right turn after you exit . . . not cool) I finally got onto I-15 and went back.

So I thought maybe the stupid person just didn't like Magna for whatever reason because I hadn't seen or heard from him in awhile (yes, he's male because that makes sense), but then he struck again. This time it was at the court house. I was filing some documents. This is not a hard task. There's a date stamp and you stamp the original, put it in the basket, stamp the copy and take that back. To make it even easier, the originals are papercliped and the copies are stapled, so you don't get confused. (Yes, a monkey could do my job, but don't worry, I'm working on making myself indispensible.) I did this with 5 documents, then walked back to work. When I gave them to the assistant who needed them, I noticed a paperclip. Yes, I had stamped an original and taken it back with me. So I had to walk back to the court just to drop off a paper in a basket. My life would be so much easier without the stupid man inside of me. Luckily it was a nice day.

But I think I've figured out the problem. I spend hours somedays doing ridiculously menial tasks like taking out staples, copying, scaning, and 3-hole punching, which is what I was doing yesterday. I think this results in a serious lack of brain cells in a particular section of my brain that has turned into Stupid Man. He rears his ugly head when the rest of my brain takes a vacation to escape the boredom. I'm going to have to cut back on vacation time, for my own sake.